Starting from Scratch and Itching to Quit Singles Ministry

Originally Posted on August 14, 2020

Webinar Transcript

– Kris has been a friend of mine for many years. I am one who can say I’ve seen Kris from the beginning of her ministry to where she is today. And Oh my goodness it’s been so fun to see her journey. She is definitely by Vaishyas, as you will see, she’s been, she has a ministry called A Singles Network, right? Singles network, ministry, singles network. I just pick up the phone and call her and she she’s gonna inspire you and encourage you. And we’re just looking forward to the time that she’s going to spend with us today. She loves Jesus number one, and she loves the ministry that he called her to. So Kris, I’m going to turn it to you.

– Oh, awesome. Awesome. And then also you guys know that we are being recorded, so there’ll be edited later and be put on the website of the Alabama. What would be the web address for that? I guess.

– Alsbom. A-L-S-B-O-M.

– Right. And it’d be available later for people. Excuse me.

– I’m sorry.

– It’s pinnacle alabama.org. I’ll put it over in the chat.

– Put it in the chat. So for later, for people to check back, of course you don’t have the live option of asking questions, but I put my email in there as well. You can always email me directly and ask any questions. So we’re going to get started and I’m going to switch views a little bit there. So my head is bigger. So my head is bigger on your screen or not, but I am thankful and praise the Lord, praise the Lord in the midst of the stuff that we’re going through God has provided a different tool for us to use. And you know the enemy has got his thing, but guess what? God is bigger. Amen. God is bigger. And so as Eileen was mentioning to you, I’ve been doing singles ministry full time over 20 years. Prior to that, I did it part time. Like most people I was, serving on different teams. And so a lot of people always ask me Kris, how in the world did you get started in a singles ministry? And then why are you still in it when a lot of people have left? Which we’re going to talk a little bit about that too, but just to make my story really quick and it’s broadcast out there. There’s lots of places that it’s out there. But in my I got saved at 19, but I didn’t stick. And so I continued to live the way I wanted to live. And then God kept calling me and calling me. And he said that he owned me and that I was his child and that this was not the life he had for me. And so in prayer of my family and prayer, my friends, God led me to a ministry called solo and it stood for singles offering life to others. And I was in my mid 20s. And when I got into that ministry, I literally hugged the walls for the first year thinking if they only knew my sin, they would never let me stay there. But the reality is people are all in a similar place. These were all 20s and 30 somethings trying to figure out life, going through a struggle, some close to God. So not close to God, but I started to get involved. And when I got involved is when my life changed, I started serving as a greeter, then I did marketing. Then I ended up on the a team. Then I ended up on the core leadership and what God would do in my life totally changed as a result of singles ministry. And so from that point on, it’s been a part of my life ever since. And do I desire to be married still? Of course, I think even if I got married, I’d still want to serve singles because a lot of married people do but at the same time, if I don’t, I still want to serve singles because I feel like it’s a demographic that a lot of people forgotten about. Over half our country is single, based on the 2010 census. So I’m assuming that the number has gone up since 2010, but yet we still don’t see the support that we need in churches or the understanding of who we are. We’re very vast group of people with lots of needs, but so to marry, people have lots of needs. So let’s open up in prayer and get ready to hear what God has to say. And like I said, make sure you put some questions in the Q and A that I might not be answering. Hopefully you got the handout as well. That will help you guide you through this. And then definitely chat if you want to in the chat section. So let’s start tamely fathers we come before you, we thank you for another day of life, another day to hear from you and to learn from you and to grow, another day to learn what you’d want us to do Lord, I pray right now in the midst of these storms Lord, that you would be stronger than ever, that we were drawn closer to you ever, ever more than ever before. And Lord, I pray for this time together with these precious participants I thank you for their time tonight. I think they’ve given up, I thank you for their heart. And I know there are some on this that are experts as well. There’s some people that are watching this, that they’ve been my mentors like max hold and have taught me things. And Eileen so Lord we all come together to help each other to minister to each other because we know the power of coming together. So Lord, I thank you for your word to not. I pray Lord that I would decrease you would increase. And at any point in time, we need to change direction and what you would have us talk about that we can do that, but Lord we want to inspire and encourage to get people to start singles or to continue to grow their existing ministry in Christ’s name. Amen. So, as I said earlier, my name is Kris Swiatocho and I lead a ministry called the Singles Network, as well as Kris Wood Hockey ministries. Kris Wood Hockey ministries is just my overall speaking ministry. Whereas the singles network is like the Wikipedia of singles ministry. Everything you could ever want to know is on that site. And if it’s not, I usually find it and put it on the site. Everything from, articles that have been written for single parents, single adults, singles never married, relational to felt needs to developing leadership all the way to different videos, books, resources, other speakers, my calendars on there, everything you could think of regarding singles ministry. And as I find it, I try to add more. So if you have a suggestion, if you’ve had something like, wow we’re doing this at my church, or this is a new book that I found that I really liked, or this is a new website that I’ve found. Please let me know, please put it in the chat and that we can make sure everybody else knows. So if you got your handouts, we’re going to go ahead and go through some of this and we’ll get through as much as we can. And if we have, we run out of time, then we’ll end it, but hopefully I can get through it all with you. And, like I said if I say something you’re not, you want me to expound upon, just put it in the Q and A. So let’s talk about singles ministry. So as you’re watching this, I don’t know what your background is. I don’t know where you’re coming from. Maybe you’re 20 something that’s watching this or a college student, maybe you’re 30 or 40 something, 50, 60 something. Maybe you’re married, maybe your wedded maybe your divorce. Maybe you’ve been in a singles ministry and it’s gone pretty well. And it’s gone so well, just like mine when I was young, but you just have a heart for this and you want to continue because how it ministers to other people, maybe you have found yourself single, and it wasn’t the plan, you’ve been married for a large amount of years. You’ve lost your spouse or you lost it through divorce and it wasn’t your plan. Now you’re single. And what does that mean? Or maybe you were a part of a singles ministry and it failed. And you’re like, I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what happened, but I need to figure out how to make it, make it work this time. Or perhaps you have absolutely no idea what to do. Well, we’re going to hopefully answer a lot of these questions for you and help encourage you to know that there is a solution and we can give you some guidelines. I can, that’ll give you a great start or restart or even affirm where you already are. So I’d mentioned to you in America, the stats of singleness based on 2000 tens around 54%, but like places like Washington, DC New York city is 65 to almost 70% single adult. Now that’s single 18 and up that’s anybody who’s not married is in that category. In the more rural areas the numbers are lower, now in Wales and in England, I don’t know specifically Wales Corrina, but I know in England it’s about 37%, but it varies depending on where you’re at. And here’s some of the things that affect that number. If there’s really great employment opportunities, especially in the IT area, medical field, you’ll have a higher number of younger singles that say right out of college or a college age, or that would be the next one. If there’s really good educational processes, good colleges, you’re going to have more young singles, military bases as Max hold. I mentioned earlier, he’s watching Max is near a military base. And so a lot of his singles were guys in. I believe the army don’t get mad at me Max, if I got the wrong division of military. And then of course, if it’s an area for retirement, I live in an area called Hendersonville, North Carolina in the mountains of North Carolina. And we have a large percentage of people over 65 because it’s a beautiful place to retire. And a lot of the marriages spouse may pass away and is left a lot of widows and widowers. So there’s a high percentage of singles, but they’re over 60. And then of course, if you live in a smaller town, a lot of times we have a lot of single parents. A lot of times the married couple is in that rural city and their marriage ends. And the one parent more likely than the mother will stay with the children. So we see a higher percentage of single parents in the rural areas. And then of course depends on the city, as far as it’s spiritual walk, if their spiritual environment. So if it’s a city where Christianity is a positive thing and people support churches and you see a lot of churches versus liberal and going towards that side of things, you’re going to see the single population change or vary. So if over on the average in most cities, on the average in our country are 50% or more single. Then why are what’s the percentage in churches? Well, in churches, the numbers around 30%, and again, that’s 18 to the grave so out of that 30%, you have to separate out the college and separate the 20 somethings. You said, they’re not single. They’re just not married yet. And then you have to kind of go, well, wait a minute. How many of these are divorced? How many are single parent? How many are widowed? How many are over 65? And to get a better idea of what you have. Well, that’s the number. And yet half the country is single or more then where are they and why aren’t we reaching them? And what’s going on? Well, without a pastor, that’s on staff, that’s dedicated and committed to reaching singles, the numbers will be typically even lower. That’s why singles ministry is so important. And that’s why I spend a lot of my time working with people that are volunteers, because most singles ministry today is led by volunteers. And I need to reach them. I need to help them. And so I contained to offer my website, which is almost completely free because I know the people that need it the most typically have the less don’t have a lot of resources, don’t have a singles budget at their church, but here is a little bit more information about our churches and kind of what we’re seeing in the nation regarding singles. Today I believe there are less than 25 full time singles pastors, and I’m talking about male, female, whatever you want to call yourself, a Reverend, a pastor, a minister. And there’s probably even lower than that. I’m giving it really a high number because I pretty much know everybody that’s in the business that’s left. And that includes all course, that’s all denomination as well. There are many pastors that have multiple hats. A lot of the pastors that I work with today will have men’s ministry. And or if it’s a woman she’ll have women’s ministry, they’ll also have greeter ministry, they’ll have multiple hats. And so as a result, their time has been fractionalized. And so they really don’t have full time to devote to singles so then that means they have to decide, I’m I going to focus on 20 somethings? I’m I going to focus on 40 something, 60 something divorced, single parent, because I don’t have time to do the whole thing. And there’s no way, unless you work full time, you cannot reach 18 to the grave. It’s very difficult. And a lot of married pastors don’t always understand that or get that. Also, there’s a few education pastors out there, small group pastors that have a single Sunday school class, or a single small group, whatever age, whatever demographic, but you don’t necessarily know until you go on their website. And then a lot of times you can’t really look at their list of small groups until you join the church, or you walk into the single Sunday school and it says singles, but it’s really senior singles, which is nothing wrong with that. But if you’re 40, you don’t want to go. So these are some of the challenges that we have, but I’m thankful for volunteers. I’m thankful for volunteer leaders because they make up majority of our singles ministry today. Now not all of these volunteers are under the church. I think it’s better when you are. I think it’s better when you do. And I’m going to talk about how to start a singles ministry based on that. But there are people who start singles ministries outside the church, because it’s where they feel led to do. It’s a pair of ministry. My ministry is a pair ministry. So there’s nothing wrong if you feel called to do it outside of the church, but just understand you don’t have that covering that protection and singles bring a lot of stuff. They bring a lot of junk, right? So to marry people, but that’s a whole another conversation. We’re all the same, married, single. We all got jobs, we’re all got mess, but they bring a lot of stuff. And so if you, as a ministry are not equipped with leadership to be able to handle what comes in the door, because singles come with all kinds of hurts and pains. A lot of them are coming out of broken marriages, or their spouse has passed away, or they have addictions, or they’re dealing with relational issues, financial issues, emotional issues. And so without that covering and protection of your church, to be able to help you’re by yourself, trying to minister and that’s can be very difficult. So what else do we know about singles in relation to the church? Well, here’s a few things, a single, never married, which is me, I’m in the largest demographic of the church of the all singles in the world. The single never married is the highest percentage. So like at a 50%, let’s say 50% of the single, let’s say 27, 28% based on the 2010 census is a never married, like 20%, like about 16% or so are divorced. And the rest are widowed. Now, granted it never married. We’re talking about 18 all the way up. So you’ve got to pull out the college kids. You got to kind of pull out the 20 somethings, but reality is that I’m the largest demographic in this country, but yet I’m the least reached. And the least used for whatever reason. Today, if you’re divorced, at least somebody wanted you. If you’re divorced, at least you knew something about marriage and that pastor who’s always been married, feels more comfortable working with you. If you’re married or you’ve had kids, because at least he can relate a little bit better, but someone like me, like they don’t know what to do with me. So here I’ve got the most flexible use of my time and money, but yet on the least reached, then you get the single parent family. They had the least use of their time and money, the least flexibility. And they have the most needs of the church. Typically a lot of our single parent ministry say they’re single parent, but they’re really single mom focused. And then babies didn’t make themselves. And so we know those dads are out there, but we also know that unless the dad has custody of his children in his mind, he doesn’t consider himself to be a single parent. He just happens to be a dad that’s got kids. So the marketing to that demographic is a challenge. And that’s why we see a lot more women, but there are more and more men that are partially raising their kids. They have half custody. And so we’re seeing that there’s a need for these men to be reached. There’s a need for these men to be mentored by other men. There’s a need for these men to get some help. They got daughters and they don’t know what to do with them. In the same way these single moms have sons and they don’t know what to do with them. So let’s talk about the next demographic. Sorry. My nose is running singles from 18 to 30. Say, Oh, I’m not single. I’m just a young adult. Oh, okay. I’m just not married yet. So I’m not really single okay. And then the singles to 30 to 45 is our missing group. That’s the age that we don’t see anywhere in churches. Because a lot of times when our churches do have a singles ministry and they advertise it, it draws anybody who thinks of themselves as single, but when a 30 year old walks in, because they don’t want to be with the young adults anymore, they have a house, I bought a condo, they’ve got a job and they walk in and they see their grandpa, they’re not coming back. So that 30 to mid 40 is a group that we just don’t see in a lot of churches and it’s really, really difficult. And they are awesome group because they typically have the most energy. They have the most flexibility. They haven’t had some of the baggage maybe they haven’t been married before they may or may not have kids. And so they’re awesome group of people to work with. But you have to sometimes start with the older and then out of the older birth, immediate age singles. And then of course, most singles ministries, as I mentioned to, you are really 50 plus, which is more like senior singles. And even within that group, you’ve got your 50s to mid 60s that are still active and they’re hiking and they’re traveling and they’re camping and they’re wanting to not sit all the time and eat. And then you’ve got your ones that are actually senior adults that are 65 and up that enjoy sitting and eating. And so even within that age group, you’ve got some challenges of trying to minister and set up something that makes everybody happy. So IF the number of singles and our country is so high, then why isn’t the church reaching out to them to bring them into the church? Well, let me just tell you it’s hard. Okay. Singles ministry is hard. It’s one of the hardest ministries I’ve ever been in my entire life, but it’s also the most one of the most rewarding and Proverbs 69 says the heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. A lot of times, the reason why it’s so hard and a lot of people don’t start or churches don’t start is because they’re not allowing the word to lead it. They’re not getting God involved in the formation and the process. They don’t get that singles reaching singles that’s huge other gigantic demographic group of people can completely change the church. Think about if we help singles majority of them want to be married. If we help the majority and prepare them, look at the marriages that we would have. If we help those who are like not ready to be married, but need to become whole of Christ. Look at how we could change the church. Do you know there are some churches in our country where single adults did all the missions. They did all the service projects. Look at what we could be used by God. Look, Jesus was single. Okay. Paul was single. There’s a lot of amazing singles in the Bible, but churches, a lot of times don’t look at that. They don’t get that that’s what could be because when you’ve been married your whole life, and you’ve been leading the church, your church for 20, 30 years, it’s not like you get up in the morning and go, I’m going to forget about their singles today. No, you get up and you focus on what you are. They’ve been married for 20 years. You kind of focused on people been married for 20 years. And so understanding is that they don’t always want to ignore, but they’re missing this group of people. So for me, what’s great about, those of you who may be watching this, if you are single, you understand, wow. Maybe my pastor doesn’t understand. So maybe I need to help him understand or help her understand maybe I need to show them what singleness looks like, because it’s a little bit of everything and maybe I can help them understand this better and they help I help them understand that maybe there’ll be more supportive when I say the word singles ministry. Cause it’s like a cuss word. You know what I’m saying? And so we have to help educate them, not be angry, but educate them on what we are and what we’re not. Here’s another reason why singles ministry, a lot of churches don’t do singles ministry because if you’ve got the wide range of ages, life, stages, goals, and needs that come in the door. You’ve got that single mom with a three year old. And you’ve got a single mom with a 15 year old. You’ve got a single dad that’s now raising his grandkids. You’ve got that widow at 35. That window at 72. You’ve got that 18 year old. You got that 22 year old. You get that 30 year old moving back home. Oh my goodness. How do you come up with a plan to reach all of these people? So it’s hard. I always tell churches, focus on one group, pray and focus on one group. Be good at that one group. And out of that group, you birth more groups. It’s kind of like planting the flowers or planting a plant plant one and from the fruit of that one, you can plant more, but make sure the original fruits good and healthy. A lot of us bill singles ministry, we try to reach everybody, make everybody happy. And we splinter ourselves and we go in a 100 different directions. And then we’re no good for anybody. I would rather reach a small group of people and be effective. And it’s 10 people a year from now, but they’re healthy. And they’re growing then having a ministry of a 100 that have 90 pathetic mental cry, baby dragging nut singles who are going to wear you out and you’re going to quit. Here’s another one. Often churches think calling singles ministry saying just calling it a singles ministry will reach everyone, but it doesn’t. And so we, again, going back, I kind of restated that already. Going back, we have to educate them. Older singles don’t want to hang out with younger singles or I’m sorry, switch that younger singles don’t want to hang out with older a lot of times I’ll work with singles ministries and there’ll be led by, three or four people in their 60s. And they go, I just don’t understand what the 30 somethings don’t want to hang out with us or the 40 somethings. And I said, because most people want to get married. And I don’t, as much as I can appreciate as somebody that’s, older than me and value their friendship I would like to meet someone to date, to get married. And I don’t want it to be my grandpa. So here’s the other reasons churches are not willing to start. Singles lives change too often. Even if you start a ministry, singles lives change and as a result, administrators too, they get married. They leave your ministry to serve in another part of the church. Cause remember singles, it’s just a gate. I’m going to say that later. But singles ministry is not an end. It’s just a gate. It’s a way for people to come through the church. That wouldn’t come another way. And so it’s just simply one more gate like upper basketball’s a gate women’s ministries is a gate service projects are a gate because they’re trying to reach people for Christ. And so a lot of times when you start singles ministry, they’ll get through it. They start to be better, they’re getting healthier. They’ve gone to celebrate recovery. They’ve gone to divorce care, they’re doing better. And then all of a sudden, somebody comes over and says, you’ve make an awesome greeter in front of the church or you’d make a great Sunday school teacher. Or you would make a great XYZ. And all of a sudden you’ve lost her person that you really spent time training, it happens. Some, just leave the church. We don’t know why, they just move. They may move really move. But some just like the church topic they’re looking for this guy or this girl, and then they don’t find it. They go to the next one or they don’t find our church that know they’ve kind of get many and help district will help me. Then they go to the next one. We lose them that way. Some come cause they’re wanting to maiden him for me. And you find your spouse in church. But when there isn’t anyone there it’s all women, two weird dudes they don’t come back. Some never grow up or mature. They can actually cause issues in the ministry. They never change. And although I don’t have this in your notes guys. Some singles can cause issues within the group. They can be a big pain. And as a result, churches are like you know what we’re not going to do this. It’s just, it’s too much of a change is too much. It’s too up and down, up and down, up and down. But here’s the thing y’all this is the difference between singles and married. Single people deal, married people deal with most of the junk before they come to church, you’ll see them fighting in their cars and then they get out they are like you know what I’m saying? And you don’t know. that she has an addiction to food and you don’t know his, the debts are up to their eyeballs and that they’re more about to lose their house. But when singles come to church, we bring all of our stuff with us, all of our junk. And so the perception is that we have more problems than married, but we don’t. It’s just one of us. And so there’s that ignorance of understanding that when you start a singles ministry, you are dealing with a lot of people’s stuff because they don’t have that spouse at home that they can talk about things with. But I’ll tell you this guys, I would rather start a singles ministry and know what people’s junk is upfront. So I know how to help it then to have a married ministry and people never say anything. And to later you find out when their marriage ends later, when you find out there’s some issues. So that’s just me. So here’s another reason why churches aren’t starting and hopefully you’re taking notes, extra notes too, so that you can do the opposite is lack of leadership. It’s hard to find a pastor who has experienced ministering to singles. Most pastors are, they get a singles ministry because they’re looking to eventually get to the next level and the next level, most of them won’t stay long. So churches are like you know what? We can’t find anybody to pass to them. They’re not really interested. There’s no seminary given a degree in singles ministry. And so, and most pastors have been married forever. So there’s only a few out there. And I just love them to death. There’s a handful out there that have always felt called to minister to singles and never felt called to move up the ladder and move over on the ladder or whatever, to be a senior pastor. I love those guys. And I’m so thankful for them and the women out there that have been doing singles ministry. So that’s a big one. So if a church says, hey, we don’t really have the proper leadership, how are we going to be able to start this? Or even among our volunteers, we notice there’s a lot of whiny people, mainly women that wine to the pastor I wanna have a singles special, I wanna have a singles special, I need to have friends. I need to go somewhere. I need a date. Pastor’s not gonna start it. That’s all he hears because if it’s not about growing the church, it is not about BBB buildings, bodies, and budgets, if you don’t say the things that he’s talking about and dealing with every day, so he can begin to see that we’re trying to grow the kingdom. And this is just one Avenue. All he hears is a bunch of whining and complain. And I wouldn’t want to start a ministry if somebody that’s complaining and whining understand y’all singles leadership takes time to develop. If a pastor isn’t ready to put years into the work, the ministry has to be restarted over and over. We are not extended youth. Despite what some people think we are, we’re adults, just like everybody who’s married is an adult. And so when pastors don’t know that this is something they have to really spend the time to invest, they quit. They go on to something else very quickly, two years, three years. So what it does is it leads leading of this to volunteers, but our churches are they willing? Are they willing to hand it over to people like myself that’s a volunteer. Are they willing to hand it over to some of you that are watching that are volunteers to lead this and to start this and knowing that you can’t build this huge ministry when you’re volunteering, you’re working full time, but here’s a few more things and other reasons why churches have not, have decided not to do it. They failed. They did a lousy job before, they didn’t have the right person leading. Also their singles ministry became a meat market. Some of you were in ministries, led by volunteers where there’s no leadership structure. And so as a result, people just started hooking up with each other and there was a healthiness going on. A lot of unhealthy singles, making it difficult to balance out the ministry. Can’t keep the unhealthy ones from taking over. If you don’t have healthy leaders leading the unhealthy, do takeover, some churches couldn’t find healthy leaders to begin with. Some churches feel the single should not be separated from married people. It’s always the ones that have never been single that say that well, we’re not going to separate our singles out. we’re just not a church without a church. our church outside of a church. And I’m like, again, pastor, we’re not trying to separate. I want to be married one day. So I’d like to serve beside a married person. I don’t mind being in a small group with married people. I don’t mind serving in single and a service project or mission project with married people. But there are times that I need to be around people like me that are going through what I’m going through. And unless that affects you, you’re not going to understand. So praise God for those who do, I don’t know if you know this, this is, and this has definitely been affected by the recent things that are going on. But singles like to gather in large groups first, and then from a large group, we go to small groups. Married people’s totally different. So for single people will come to a group of 20, 30 or more and then check it out and see if somebody here looks like me, if somebody’s here, I feel comfortable being around. Is this the group that I want to be a part of? And then I start conversations. And then all of a sudden, I get to know you and I get to know this other girl. And she says, Oh yeah, I’ve been living here. I work here and all of a sudden I feel comfortable. And then she says hey, would you like to come to my Sunday school class? Would you like to come to my small group or would you like to come hang out with us this weekend? We start with a big one because we’re fearful. I’m not going to go to somebody’s house I don’t know. I’m sorry. They might have a big dog. Their house might be dirty. They might have screaming kids running around. I’m not going to do that. If you’re married, you have a backup. If you’re married, you go into a class or a group. You have a backup, but I don’t have a backup. So when you as a ministry, when you don’t have that larger group for that to happen, singles just don’t come at all. That’s why our numbers are low. So for those of you who want to start singles ministry, here’s another plus about it. If you can gather people, you’re going to gather them to allow them to feel safe and to feel comfortable and to feel included in from that then you could start your Bible studies. Then you could start your smaller groups where you really get to know people and change their hearts. So singles, ministry doomed. Are you ready to quit and go forget this webinar. No, it’s not doomed. The door is wide open y’all it’s wide open. There’s such a need the numbers keep going up for singles population. And so their need, we need more and more and more ministry to them. But I think that the vision of the 100, 200, 300 size groups for long ago, it’s not realistic today, but I think it is realistic to have a group of 20 or 30. I think it is realistic to have an event and have a 100. I think it is realistic to have a small group of 10 or 12 or 15 single moms or 10 20 somethings or 10 60 somethings. I think it’s still reasonable to have 10 people that go on a service project. I think this is all reasonable. And if that’s a calling that God has put on your heart then with God, you can do anything. Look at me, look where God has brought me. So let’s go on and talk about the definition of singles ministry and then the basics, the three real simple basics of how to start ministry. So the first one is, so what, is a singles ministry anyway, what’s its purpose. Well it’s to reach a group of people that wouldn’t be reached another way. That’s simply what it is, is to help build friendships is to help get healthier, to grow. It’s a place where you get useful support of someone at a same life stage. If you’ve gone through a divorce, you feel drawn to other people or single parent, or if you like to hike, or if you like to you like sports or you’re in the military, you’re going to, it’s a place where you can be around people that are maybe going through some similar things you are, or in my case, taking care of a parent and some of you guys can relate to that. Or it’s also a place where you might meet your future spouse, praise God, our churches need to be in the business of this. I’m actually working on a new book right now called intentional relationships. And it’s a 12 week curriculum to help people get to move towards marriage because that’s what churches seem to that’s the word that the buzzword for them and most singles want to be married. Then I think we need to be helping them to get healthy. So even if they don’t, they’re healthier. And that’s part of why we do singles ministry not to create a club, singles ministry is not a club. It’s not a group of people that separate from the church. It’s a group that helps the church grow by focusing on singles ministry on spiritual growth, the whole church benefits. So when they begin to see your singles ministry, adding to the church, the numbers have gone up. Maturity has gone up, weddings have gone up. People are getting resources. People are starting to serve when, people start tithing and when they start to see this, then the whole church helps. I love an ax where it talks about that everybody sold everything they had and they all came together to help each other, no person was at anything. I think that is saying singles and marrieds. I think the same thing singles and married helping each other to build a whole church. Every church is called to do singles ministry. Every church is called to do singles ministry, but not every church is called to have a singles ministry. Okay. Let me read that again. Every church is called to reach singles, but not every church is called to start a singles ministry or have a singles ministry. So while you may not have all the resources, the church itself should be ministering by the sermons, by have the single adults there, have single adults greet, have single adults look for those that may be by themselves. That there’s either a single friendly church. They’re aware that there are people in our congregation that are not married. They’re where the people nobody’s asking anybody to launch that they’re aware of some of their language let’s have the family night supper. And you’re like, well, I ain’t got no family. They’re single sensitive, but not every church has called by God to have a singles ministry. But if you’re called by God to have one, then what does that look like for you? So here, this is where you start. I don’t know why my nose is running like crazy tonight. So number one, confirm that you are called to do this, continue to pray, affirming this has God’s direction for your life. Don’t allow the enemy to distract you from God’s calling. You might run at obstacles. But if you are called, you are called, turn those obstacles into opportunities. Some of the obstacles may be because you didn’t really prepare, some of them because it would be a lack of understanding of what you’re doing and what your pastor’s doing, your church’s doing. Others are doing, some of the obstacles could it be because are you really sure you need a singles ministry. Or maybe it’s not the right timing. Now, if your church is not interested in having a singles ministry, you can wait, you’ve gone to your pastor and he says you know what? We’re just not interested in this. You can wait and show him by your commitment and your heart and your love for his, for the church and for the kingdom. And then all of a sudden, maybe their minds will change. Okay. Some of you may go ahead and say, well, I’m going to start anyway. I don’t have to, I don’t need my pastor’s permission to start a ministry. Right? You can have a cup of coffee with a single adult. You could do some things with single friends. But again, remember what I said at the beginning. It’s really good if it could be under our church to be under that coverage, to have that permission, to have insurance, to how maybe some support to have some money, to have space. So always try to do that if you can. But if you’re like, I’ve gone to my pastor. He’s adamant. He’s not forward. He doesn’t believe you need it. He thinks it becomes an issue, becomes a problem. And there’s nothing I can do, well, you can always leave, but if God hasn’t told you to leave, you probably need to wait. But like I said, you could still minister to single adults without it being called a singles ministry, you can also go and find a church that has a singles ministry and join that ministry still going to your church. But you did go and be a part of their singles ministry and learn what they’re doing. Learn about it. Learn the things that work, things that don’t work, and then bring that knowledge back to your church. And then of course you can just go to a church that wants to start one that’s another solution. You need to ask yourself, why do you want to start a singles ministry? What are your goals do you have, what do you hope to accomplish? Are you just wanting friends to get a dinner? Is it to find a date, a mate, is it to grow the church, the kingdom. Are you willing to wait and gather the right leaders first? Have you found out how many singles actually live in your area, have you done demographic study? Have you gone to the city council and found out if there’s even people in your area that are single, what does your pastor think? What do your friends think? Probably even what your family thinks, understand singles ministry is not a social club. I’ve told you that many times before in this talk so far, I’ve seen at one time, guys, I’ve seen it a 100 times where people start off and go, you know what, Kris, I want to start a singles ministry and we just want to have cookouts. And we want to go to the movies and we want to go bowling. And that’s a ministry built on a week foundation. You can’t start with socials and then go, Oh, by the way, now we’re going to do a Bible study. Now we’re going to build a foundation. Socials, come as a result. As a result of the foundation, they’re the fruit. It’s like planting the tree, they’re the fruit. And so what I’d like to call them is really call them strategic fellowships. And I may go into that a little bit more here in a minute, if not, I’ll come back to it. But if you build it on the foundation to begin with, if you start with a Bible study, a book group, a prayer group, a divorce recovery, son’s class, then you built it on the right foundation. And I promise you, I promise you when you do a Bible study, people will go, what do you guys going to do after the study? What are you gonna do this weekend? What are you gonna do after church on Sunday? It just happens. The social part happens. But if you build it on the social what’s going to happen is usually ends up being two women that do all the work, the rest of you kind of show up and kind of help. But there’s no real commitment, there’s no real ownership. And after a period of time, those two women get tired. They get burned out. They quit because they didn’t start it the right way they got ahead of God, they went too fast. They didn’t build a foundation that’s needed. And that’s what we’re going to talk about here in just a moment or are you starting it to only get singles married? Although have been okay. We do want our singles to find the right one in church. We want them to get to know Christ first. We want them to get healthy as possible, but if getting a marriage is your only focus you’re in trouble. But on the other side, if we don’t acknowledge that 99% of all singles want to get married, then are we not planning for this type of ministry to help educate and nurture them in the process? Are you starting to compete or be compared to other singles, ministries in towns? Are you doing it because you feel like you’re supposed to cause this church down the road, house one numbers and activity should never replace personal growth and leadership development. Remember, these are just a few things for a member and you guys probably know this singles ministry is develop an effective outreach is to build a church, fulfill the great commission renew the vision and the purpose of the congregation. It’s the meet the needs of single adults who want spiritual growth, healing opportunities and social fellowship, but singles ministries have to continuously be poured into as they change. Discipleship is critical. Leadership development is critical and it’s better to put yourself into a few who would duplicate themselves and try to do it all yourself. So you have all the great ideas. We have the plans that you’ve created to get it done, understand don’t let the enemy get you going too fast. Don’t get ahead. Take the time you need to develop the leaders that are gonna lead the ministry. A lot of people ask me, say, hey, Kris, we want you to come and speak at our event, we’re going to have a 100 singles. And I said, well, how big is your ministry? Oh, we’re about 20. How many of your leaders you have? Well, we’ve got two or three people that show up to help. You’re not going to have a 100 people at your event. I would rather you not invite me and build the ministry the way it needs to be. And then later on, you’ll have that a 100 at your event. So the first one was continue to pray and affirmed that is God’s direction from that this is what God wants to do. Continue to do the research. Talk to other singles ministries near you and for advice, serve on other teams, get mentored, go to my website, which has got everything you could think of to help you in singles ministry. Buy the book, FAQs of singles ministry. I’ve got leadership at last, a leadership curriculum that helps take a group of singles for six weeks. Spend as much time as you can, learning from others. In Hebrews, it says, remember your leaders, those who spoke to you and the word of God, consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Learn from other people that have already gone through singles ministry, learn from other people that have made mistakes. Then talk to your pastor or whoever’s over, your deacon, an elder about your calling and have a plan to give them if you want more information on what do I tell my pastor? What does that plan look like? Go to my website, the singles network.org. It’s on there. I can help you out too. You can email me, involve others, male and female leadership who have the same calling as you do the same call in as you do, they have a heart for this and they don’t really know why. Now if you’re on staff, you can be a male leader or a female leader, but your leadership team needs to be reflective of who you’re trying to reach. So don’t say I want to reach 30 somethings and they’re all 60 somethings it’s not going to work. I understand too, in the beginning, the people that you bring together to pray and start the ministry may not be the ones that end up leading. You may literally hand, grab a handful of people that you that know you and know your heart and ask them, would you be willing to pray with me weekly about starting this ministry and about adding leaders to it and what the direction it’s going to be. And so those folks will eventually maybe rotate off and then you’ll have some new people that rotate on. This is something that’s very important that’s coming up about women leadership. We know in singles ministry that unless you’re on staff, because staff is an authority. And so if you’re male or female on staff, you can grow a male or female leaders. But if you are a male leader, volunteer, you’ll grow male and female leaders. If you’re a male and female, couple leadership, you will grow male and female. But if you’re only a woman, you will only grow women. And it’s just the way it is. As singles, ministry, ages up, single women are higher percentage than men. So when you have no male in leadership, you can’t grow men, men grow men. So I just want to caution you if you’re thinking about starting, unless you just want to be a single women’s ministry, I would encourage you to get some men co male to lead with you. So the visibility is that there is a male leading. I don’t care what he does. I don’t care if he liked, just makes the announcements to open up in prayer, but there needs to be a visibility. Women are very, we’re very comfortable serving under a male leadership. God designed us that way. but men typically it’s not their area. They’re not called in that same way, they will. Some men are different, but for the majority, it’s the relationship and how God designed us as men and women. So we want right from the beginning, if you can’t get a male to lead with you or if your pastor is not willing to lead with you or if your pastor’s not willing to be the co-leadership. And so the visibility is there’s a male involved or two or three, it will affect grades of your ministry. Again, I’ve got more ideas like you’re probably saying, well, Kris, I can’t find a man. I’ve been looking, I can’t find one. I’m looking too, okay, that’s another story. But if you’re saying we don’t have a lot of men in our ministry yet well, got another article on that as well. And how do we get men in our ministry? How do we have to grow them and pray, men y’all and it does work. I’ve seen it work. I’ve done it, my own ministries. We’ve prayed them in and takes a little time. So you got to get ahead of God about starting this ministry and all these things you want to do. And all these conferences you want to do. And all these activities build a foundation. The rest of it will come. Once you find others, you want to start meeting weekly. Now this is the first part of the three parts. And I know my time’s getting low here, or it’s actually, I’ve already passed my time, but let me finish these three important pieces. Once you find others start meeting weekly. Now I’m talking about praying. You’re praying for the direction of the ministry, the guidance, the target audience, figuring out budgets, you’re marketing. Whether you’re going to do a Bible study or whether you’re going to do a service project, you’re praying not so much for your personal needs. You’re praying for the direction of the ministry. You do need time for personal needs. And that’s typically done in Sunday school classes or it’s done in a small group. But for this meeting that I’m talking about, it is specifically for the direction of the ministry. You want to develop your mission statement, your goals, maybe your name, and it could change as you grow, you want to develop your job descriptions. I have a free handout on my website that you can edit and tweak for your ministry. You want to share your resources you have found like this webinar, and maybe everybody else watched the webinar. You want to discuss any issues or problems that come up. You want to involve the prayer ministry of your church so they can be praying for your needs. You want to allow the Lord to change direction if need be. You’re not going to know what you need to do as a ministry if you’re not praying together every single week, I don’t care if it’s five minutes, right before Sunday school class, you need to be praying so that you are unified in the direction that you want the ministry to go. Psalm 37 five says commit your way to the Lord trust in him. And he will act. So it all goes back to giving him the ministry, letting him guide it, let him lead it. Not allowing the enemy to distract you with all these other issues. Not allowing people to distract you with all these certain things and staying focused. So now you’re praying weekly. Now you’re going to develop and expand your team. Leadership development is crucial guys. Most singles ministries are structured like this. It’s called relational structure. Everybody just shows up and they just love each other. Nobody really knows their job no one knows, expected their job, nobody can train anybody in their job. Now they all care about each other and they all show up. They’re all great. But how do you build a ministry when everyone is inward focus, everybody it’s about each other, it’s relational. We’re all buds. How do you build anything when you’re just inward focus, you want your singles ministry to look like an operating room. You want everybody to have a job, everybody to know their job, everybody to be trained in their job, everybody to get along, everybody has an assistant, that also knows the job. You want someone to also be ready to move up and out as other people come in, you want to have people trained and you want to know what they’re doing. And it doesn’t mean that the nurse, who has seen that same operation 20 times could not. sew you back up and it doesn’t mean the anesthesiologists, who left the room all of a sudden doesn’t have an assistant. It mean that if you were in charge of greeting for your singles ministry, you are in charge of teaching, that you don’t want, I’m going to teach this weekend. I’m going to greet next week, it’s not that big of a deal, but at least you know your job. And when your job, you can train the next person. See the enemy loves to make you not be really sure what you’re doing in singles it’s you just show up and you’re just happy to just love each other. He loves that. And would you want to work for a company where people just show up and wing it? McDonald’s I don’t know how to use a register, but I’m going to wing it. I don’t know how to cut you open, but I’m going to wing it. No, we want our ministries to have structure. I’m not saying so much structure to where you don’t talk to each other or that you become Hitler about your area. But I’m saying, is that, how can you train the next person to take your job as God calls you to different places if you don’t even know what you’re doing, you don’t even know how to tell them what you’re doing. That’s where we build our team and we get strong. We need to get strong in order to build a ministry, to reach people for Jesus, Isaiah 41 10 says fear not for I am with you do not be dismayed for, I am your God and I will strengthen you and I will help you. And I will uphold you with my righteous hand. The third area it’s really important is public relations. How does the church, how does the community, how do others see your ministry? Is it a bunch of rejects, weirdos, land of misfit toys? Is it a bunch of people that are just whining and complaining all the time or do they see that Yeah. Some people have problems, some people have issues, but you know what God is doing some amazing things. PR is critical. PR makes a difference of whether something’s successful or not just like a restaurant. You get good, stars where they and Yelp or Amazon people buy it. If your singles ministry does not have a good PR a good reputation that is doing things for the kingdom, the people are growing and there’s activity and lives are changing and people get healthy then why would anybody recommend it? Why would your church support it? Why aren’t your church give you money? Why would your church, maybe you eventually hire a pastor. So PR is very important. I’ve listed a few things on there and the importance of what does PR look like? It’s important that you go into married Sunday school classes or small groups and allow to share your testimony and then have them come into yours. It’s important to be serving on the leadership of a church so that you have an input of singles issues or having a budget being on the finance committee. If you’re going to have a say, so working with the teachers and you’re at your church because the teachers are dealing with kids and you’ve got single parents that have kids. So there needs to be a partnership working together, working with the missions, a leader to also say, Hey, we want singles to go on this mission trip as well, but maybe someone needs some financial help, et cetera. We want to see all that happen. Good PR is marketing, good materials, a good website, Facebook presence, social media. How’s the ministry being communicated. How’s the ministry appearing on, on what is the website look pathetic and terrible. And the pictures are terrible. It looks like your grandma took them in 1972 with her camera or does it look like someplace I want to be a part of, does it look exciting? Does it look like fun? Is it a place that I can go and maybe not hug the walls and maybe just maybe I can get involved and serve. And I can stop thinking about how I don’t like being single. And I don’t like that word. And I can just realize that I’m just a follower of Jesus Christ. Here’s the last little list housekeeping as time goes on, build the team, starting the ministry, staying connected to your pastors, involving yourself in the whole church contained to evaluate your ministry as adjust as needed. People are going to come and go despite how amazing you are, what they’re going to come, even though I’m awesome. Yes. They’re going to come and go no matter how great you are, develop a plan for conflict, how to help, unhealthy singles, meet with your pastor regularly, or whoever’s over you to let them know what you’re doing. Don’t talk about nothing but negative. Talk about the positive. Cause if you talk about nothing but the negative, then that’s their impression that your ministry is nothing but problems. Tell them good things. Keep track of the good things. Keep track of people who move up into other roles in the church. They now they’re teaching a singles ministry class, or they’re teaching a small group. They’ve gotten married. They’re now going into the church and teaching there, keep track of what God has done as a result of your singles ministry. Make sure that you delegate, delegate, delegate. You know what, you can’t do it all yourself, got to admit if you can’t do it all yourself, when you don’t delegate, you’re robbing somebody off the blessing that God has for them take care of yourself, if you’re not healthy you can’t help nobody in any other way, you’d be the model. You’re the example. And then patients remember God is in control. We must in our enthusiasm, be sensitive to his timing and his well stay open to God’s continual leadership. Your ministry is going to change. It’s going to change. You’re going to adjust. You’re going to see this work. This didn’t work and you gotta be okay with it. I’m just telling you, you can’t go in and go why did this over here? And I’m going to do it here. Nope it might not work over here. And you need to say that from the beginning, Hey guys, we’re going to do this together. We’re going to make some mistakes. We’re going to try some things that are terrible. , we did bully night and three people game didn’t work, but what, we did hiking. And we 20 people, maybe that’s what we need to do. And I did forget to talk about strategic fellowships. The difference between a social and a strategic fellowship is when you’re strategic, you plan something with the mindset of your ministry. You plan it with the goal of spreading out your leaders. You plant it with a goal of helping reach people for Christ. You plant it with a goal of watching what comes in and out the door. You plan it with a goal of seeing fruit. You plant with a goal of followup that’s the difference. Anybody can have a cookout, but who’s at that cookout. What are their name tags? How did they find out about it? What is a little bit about their story and making sure you protect what’s there that’s the difference. Those things will come, but they come as a result of the fruit and the foundation that you built, final scripture do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. Just tell God what you need, tell him what your heart is, tell him that this is something that’s been on your heart, but don’t try to do it by yourself. Get the people involved. And you know what? If you’d like Kris, I can’t find a guy to help than to do a single women’s ministry cause you know what? Some single women need to not be with guys right now. Some of them got some stuff in their life and they need some help. And you know what? Men need to mentor men. Sometimes we just need some single men’s events where guys can go off and do guy things. We know I’m going to be teaching a Thursday night we’re going to be talking about how to grow our singles group, our single small groups and our social classes, creative ways to contact, connect, and keep. And then Saturday I’m going to be teaching on fun and creative things to do in our ministries. Definitely come back to that. And then Sunday, we’re going to talk about how do we develop our team, our leaders, so that can build our ministry. So hopefully you’ve learned some things tonight. Hopefully you’ve got some good questions for me Eileen. I don’t know if they wrote in there or not, but I went over my time please forgive me. But thank you so much.

– There’s so much to do and prepare for before you even launch. So thank you for covering that with us. We did have one person asked about other names for the younger singles. And I shared with them a few of the names that I’ve heard young professionals, but then also categorizes, but that worked in my church and it I’ll just be honest it mainly was for kids who had grown up in the church and didn’t feel comfortable with all these newcomers that were in the singles ministry. So I thought that was interesting. They had a good group. They had about 40 that came. We also have a group that’s just, they just call them 20s. And so they just, they just attend. And then someone put next June. Have you heard of any other names for those younger singles?

– Yeah. Well, I’ve had fusion. I’ve had salsa. I’ve had strand. I have a whole list on the website. It’s a whole list of names of singles ministry we have of the years. We’ve heard people call salt. I mean, some people do acronyms where it represents. So if it’s young singles it might be called, YSA, young, single adults or YW was it yam, single say young adults in ministry, so you can do an acronym or you can just call it a 20 something, the 20 somethings and leave it at that. Because here’s the issue from a PR standpoint. If you do a cute little name, then you have to say what it is underneath it.

– Right. You always have to explain.

– So I get a lot of singles ministries that don’t want to be called singles, but yet, how do you identify what you are and call yourself then how do you get the audience to come? If they don’t. Now, the thing is with young adults where this is where the challenge is with churches is some young adult ministries have young adult married people in it. And once the young married people get married I mean, once they get children, that’s when they age out, that’s when they go into another class, you have to decide if you want to do that. Because again, 20 somethings, whether they’re married or single, they’ll seem to care as much that there are married people in their class cause they’re all 25, 26 years old. A lot of them still live at home, but it’s, once you become professional, once you get your own place, once you want to be married, you may not necessarily want to be around married people in a ministry because you are looking to be married. So you have to really look at the audience and pray through and go God, what is the best thing?

– Another one with that is younger singles don’t want to come to an event or Bible study with just a few people. So how do you get it started when we don’t have the numbers yet? Is that something that you’re going to cover on tomorrow?

– Well, that goes back to the leadership development, developing the leaders you have, again, that goes back to the foundation. Yeah. On Saturday, we’re going to talk about social activities and how do why don’t people come and why do we plan stuff? They all want this, but then you get them there’s nobody there, it comes back to ownership and it comes back to, again, that foundation is I meet with people individually. So for instance, I was on staff at a church last summer. And I met with about 70 people, each person. And I was on staff at a church two years ago in California. And I met with over a 100 people individually, over a span of four months. And so I have copies and lunches and quick meetings after church and quick meeting before church, because I want to get to know you as a person. And I want to connect with you and I want to see what you want to do when people know you care and that you’re valuing them, you’re taking the time to meet with them, So maybe it’s my zoom right now. Maybe it’s by a phone call right now because of what’s going on but when you taking the time to say, Hey, Susie, I want to, can we have a talk, tell me a little bit about your life. Tell me your story. And when Susie who’s 28 years old says, well, you know what? I’m a single mom and I have a three year old. So how does that affect, coming to our ministry while it’s got to be child friendly and I gotta be able to afford it, that’s why she hasn’t been coming. And then are you a 30 year old guy, hey Bob, it’s really nice to meet you. Tell me about your story. And Bob’s like you know I want to come, but I work second shift so I can never come to things. So now you’re beginning to see maybe the reason why we don’t have an attendance is because people have got certain situations. So by taking the time to get to know everyone and then figuring out what we can do and then be okay, go, you know what? We may only have five for hiking, but it’s going to be awesome hiking. And we may only have five for this Bible setting. We may only have five for this bull in manner, or this road trip, but those five want to be there. They want it. And if those five want it, they’re going to take ownership. And then you leave it up to those five, to then get other people to want to come. You see what I’m saying? It’s an ownership issue for me.

– That’s very helpful. Kris, what about, what’s the biggest mistake that you have seen in people starting their singles ministry?

– They don’t want to do it for the right reasons. I average, for the most part, most people who want to start singles are 55 year old women. They’re empty nesters and they want to start it because they’re lonely and they have no clue what’s involved and they just want to do a bunch of social events. They just want to have a cookout on a Friday. They want to go to the movies the next Friday. They want to go to the beach the next Friday. And again, you have no idea who’s in that group. You have no idea what’s coming in the door. You have no idea if there are people there that are not healthy, there are lost that are there just to have a come after somebody in a wrong way. You have no idea. You have no foundation. You haven’t built any structure. How do you witnessing these people? How are you being strategic? But what they want to do is they just don’t want to be alone anymore they don’t want to be by themselves on a weekend. So to them, they interpret singles ministry as a social. And it’s not, that’s called social or that’s called a club. That’s not ministry, ministry is you’re getting in people’s mess, you’re hearing their hearts, you’re guiding and directing them. So that tells me that maybe you’re not where you need to be. Maybe you’re not healthy. Maybe you don’t have the right gifting and calling to really lead this ministry. So then when I go through all that and they go, Oh, well, I just don’t want to be alone or Friday out. Well, then I go, go to meetup.com and see if there’s a group already gathering. See if there’s another church that has something and be a part of what they’re doing instead of trying to start something on no foundation. And so that’s the biggest that I see, there’s no prayer. Eileen they don’t pray. They say they’re praying but they are not, they are praying like Lord, I pray for my son, pray for my daughter. And they’re praying those types of prayers with each other, which are good, but they’re not praying for the direction of the ministry. And so when things start to happen and the enemy comes at them to thin them out, to divide them, all it takes is one gossip, all it takes is one accusation. All it takes is somebody who’s mad and because they’re not covered and prepared for the enemy and what he’s going to do and are aware of these situations quickly, the ministry just completely disintegrate and falls apart. I know it takes a while to get there. And I realize some people only come when they think it’s a big group. They come, they check it out like, Oh gosh, there’s only about 10 people here. It’s kind of lame. Well, for me, I would rather start with the foundation of 10 people who are sold out on fire. And then we launch a Bible study and then I’ve trained them to be table host. And then we do incredible marketing. I will tell you Eileen I get on Facebook and I eat every single week. Are you coming? Are you coming? Are you coming? Are you coming? And I asked people, Hey Susie, Hey Joe, Hey Bob, are you coming to this? Are you coming to this? And I can look at my feed and Facebook and see a little bit of their story. And I try to get them there. And I do this every single week and create that energy. And once they’re there, they’re excited. There’s that person in the front that says, Hey, I’m so glad you’re here. And that person at the table is going, let’s hear a little bit more, a breakout like zoom. You can do breakouts and you could hear a little bit more of their heart and what’s going on in their life. And that creates cause the more people connected, the more it grows, the more people feel included, but it takes a while to get there and you have to have that energy there. That’s going to get people excited and you can’t even be like, welcome to our singles ministry. We are so glad you are here. It’s really fun. Oh my gosh. , I’ll go to McDonald’s and get more fun. So if you’re not excited about what you’re doing, then why would anybody else get excited? So then, nobody’s going to come so.

– Well, anybody have a last question? I do want to remind everyone that you can register for the remaining conferences, I sent what those are. Remember you’re on central standard time. So you East coast folks get a little extra hour. Those of us here in Alabama, you gotta get a little earlier, maybe on Saturday and get your coffee before we begin. Bring your coffee with you at 8:30. So Kris, we thank you so much for being prepared and ready for all of this. I’ve gotten some good comments from folks of helpfulness and that good information. So Kris, thank you so much. And I’m going to close this in a word.

– We didn’t address a real big topic. How do you start singles ministry in COVID? I get this asked to me like, okay Kris, all these things are great when you can see each other, okay, we can be around each other. How do you start singles ministry in COVID? So this is what I’ve been doing is that we started on Wednesday nights, I have a singles Bible study. It’s Eastern time, 6:50 PM Eastern time. And so when COVID hit in March, our singles ministry completely we can meet. So what do you do? And so we really started doing zoom. And if you’re not doing one, you shouldn’t be doing one because it’s the way we keep people connected. You can start a ministry by doing Zoom. So we just put the word out, we just emailed everybody. And we had like 40 people show up the first week from that, we did the book of James, from that we built teams to do breakouts. From that we have somebody praying from that we have somebody singing. We built the ministry, literally through Zoom. You can too. And it’s the same thing. You’re still meeting with people to pray ahead of time. I have my table hosts that we pray ahead of time before we start on Wednesday nights. If they’re not trained, you train them, if they never let you give them instructions on how to be a table host, because they’re like miniature pastors from that, if it’s local, you can still plan some events depending on your COVID situation and the city that you’re in. If you’re allowed to see each other, not for, from that, if you’re doing it locally as a Bible study, you could then say, Hey guys, we’re going to go. We’re going to go hiking on Friday. We’re going to go bowling or movies or whatever. So you can still have that remember that strategic fellowship, but your team is the one. So if you’ve already got leaders in your ministry, they’ll be your breakout discussion. They’ll also be your prayer leaders. You’ll also have someone that greets. I have a lady who greets with me. She welcomes people as they come into the Bible say, I welcome people as they come in, she moderates you. So unlike in real person, you have to have a moderator. They check the chat, they watch the Q and A. They watched people coming in and out, they protect the zoom. They protect the ministry. So no bad guys get in. So you can start it. But if you haven’t and you want to take on the challenge, take it on. You never know what he could turn into, but the result is, if you do get back to a place where you’re meeting in person, then it just transfers back. It goes right back to the outline that I gave you. But if not, if your singles ministry, Bible city stays online the next six months, which you can still do service projects and still do fellowships out of the online study. That can still happen. So just know that it’s a little bit different. You have to do things a little bit differently, but you’re still building leaders. You’re still building people. You’re still finding out their stories. You’re still hearing their heart. You’re still trying to connect them. If somebody is divorced, they need a divorce care and it’s, they’re doing online divorce care now. If you need Grecia, they’re doing online crusher. And I know it’s not the same as being able to be in touch. I get it. But it’s what we got. So we’re going to work with what we got Eileen.

– Right. And you know Kris in contacting pastors across Alabama during this, what six months now that we’ve been in or more, they’re encouraged because via Zoom and Facebook, they’re having more people participate, then walked in the door because people feel comfortable in their house. They feel secure. Maybe they don’t feel as out there to everybody. So it could be that you see a great start because you came through zooms. That would be a great story to hear.

– Well, I’m gonna tell you in the wisdom of Zoom that we do, we have only a handful of our attending it. I would say last week we had 46 participants. 40 of them did not live where my church is. And so of the 44 or five go to a large church in Texas. The rest of them are all over the country. And they’re basically from a church that has two singles, two singles, two singles, two singles. So we thought they’d be done by the, we went through the book of James 12 weeks and we thought, okay, people will be ready. They’re done. They’re ready to go back to their church. The church started to open up and they stayed on. They wanted to continue. So I’ve continued because it’s like, we singles just need to be able to see other singers and connect. So while it’s not taking the place we really don’t want Zoom. We’d rather go back to being in person. I have story after story, after story of people telling me that our Wednesday night Bible study literally saved their life like they were doing, they didn’t have anything going on. The church has not done anything or their Sunday school class wasn’t meeting, or there’s no singles at anything at their church. So now I’m not only going to church and I’m having to do Zoom through my Sunday school class, which is really him teaching. And I just stand there and listen to the background, but they’re not not doing anything for singles. So they’ve lost all of that. So our group has been really saving, it’s really helped some people. And I would pray that our group gets bigger. I would love to see the numbers go up because we’re just reaching more and more and more.

– Just put on there that he had 200 views on his Sunday school class on Facebook live this last week.

– Oh praise God.

– It’s a lot of times those are archived and people can go back through the week and look at that same thing with the zoom that we’ll have more people participate as these are put online and that information was all in the chat. So scroll up if you didn’t, if you missed.

– And here’s the thing, guys, once this ends, you won’t be able to access the chat. So definitely copy the chat real quick. If there’s anything in there you want to get Max. That’s cool. I was telling before you guys came on, I was telling Eileen and Doug, Doug is our tech person that’s behind the scenes that I do live Facebook every Sunday night. And it was to promote our big labor day retreat and to also create connection and allow people to hear from me and pastor Freddy. So Sunday night I spoke on disappointment. I think we can all relate to that. And I spoke for 20 minutes, live Facebook while I was doing it eight people watching with the next three hours, almost 600. So there is a need there’s such a need. And although it’s not the ideal way we want to do it, we’d rather hear you in person. It is still, people are just hungry for content. They’re hungry to feel connected, they are hungry to know there’s somebody out there that’s going through something they’re going through and they’re not by themselves. And so I just want to keep doing what God has called me to do, I appreciate your prayers Eileen. I really appreciate all of you guys watching your prayers. the ministry, obviously for me, I travel and speak and teach the word and everything has changed, but that’s what you want to, you want to be molded and shaped by God to change is you need to change, my calling has not stopped. My calling is still the same, but sometimes we have to meander around the obstacles that the enemy puts on our way to continue to go forward and what God has for you. So I just want to challenge you guys, please email me, please call me. You got any questions, you’re like, you talked to a 100 miles an hour, I missed half of it. please call me. I will help you in any way I can, because I want you to be successful. And I want you to do this cause we need more ministries doing this.

– Right. And just know that because you registered, you will get a notification that these have posted to pinnacle alabama.org when they’re ready. Doug does a little editing and then those will be posted. So you can share that with someone. But if you miss something, you can go back and see that. So thank you so much Kris. I look forward to Thursday night and let’s pray together. Father, we just thank you for this time together. Kris has challenged us and encouraged us. Lord I just thank you for her enthusiasm, for her love for single adult ministry and how she is carrying out the call you placed on her life. Father, thank you for this information today. May it steep deep into our spirit so that we are able to meditate on that and be useful stewards of that information in the days to come. Thank you for your love. Thank you for these friends that have joined us today in Jesus name. Amen.

This site is made possible by the gifts of Alabama Baptists through the Cooperative Program.

Learn more at ALSBOM.org/CP

Get In touch

Leave us a message